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First time cooking steak

June 15th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I love steak, but eating out is expensive. "I know! Why not learn to cook it at home?" So begins another chapter of comedy/tragedy in my autobiography.

But why not, right? There is a dearth of quality YouTube videos showing just how easy and fun it is to cook your very own restaurant quality steak at home. For that matter, my very own first attempt was a delightful cornucopia of learning experiences. For example:

* There is apparently a difference between "hot enough" and "too hot", and as a constructive feedback, perhaps YouTube celebrity chefs should take some time to explain the difference.

* I believe I have figured out what "too hot" looks like. It is when dark smoke that resembles a miniature forest fire rises from your pan and quickly engulfs the entire kitchen.

* I have also-- to my long term benefit I'm sure-- figured out exactly where my smoke alarm is, and that the back-up battery does not need replacing at this time.

* Flies apparently also love steak, and when you open your windows to vent your kitchen forest fire, they will quickly swarm in to judge your culinary efforts. At least they seem to approve, though not without some reluctance and trepidation.

* Celebrity chefs on YouTube will not mention this, but I think it is also handy to note that setting off grease fires should not be attempted while wearing your Sunday's best. I also see now the merit of "Kiss the Chef" aprons.

* Last but not least, it seems that no amount of salt can cover the taste of charred meat, and perhaps it is best cut it off with a steak knife that I do not have and will have to get some time in the near future because butter knives don't work very well.

Oh yes! There will be a re-match in the not-too-distant future. I may stumble and I may fall, but I will not surrender so easily. As the Spartan women would say to their men, "Come back with the steak on your plate, or come back with your plate and on the ambulance stretcher." This isn't over yet.

In the meantime, enjoy a shot of the carnage.

5 Responses to “First time cooking steak”

  1. North Georgia Gal Says:

    At least you keep a sense of humor! That will serve you well.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    Well written...sorry we rarely eat steak, so I do not have any tips for you.

  3. Miz Pat Says:

    SNORT! I'm sorry you had the bad experience, but on the other hand, you made me snort tea out of my nose, which stings.

    I barbecue steak (and I generally do burn it some). My best suggestion is to stand by the stove or grill (not to close to catch fire) and turn the steak every once in a while to see if its burning all to heck on that side. Now when it appears that the steak is burning on one side, I have found it wise to take it into the kitchen (which presents a challenge because my 3 dogs try to trip me because all food on the ground belongs to them) and slice it and look at it to see if it is done to your satisfaction. This method does reduce charcoal.

    At my house if I burn the steak beyond the point of being able to eat it, I do cut off the charcoal and eat what is underneath, and in some cases, the dogs even get it. So far they have not turned their nose up once.

    This was a noble first attempt.

  4. LuckyRobin Says:

    At least the center of your steak looks edible. Big Grin The easiest method I've found for cooking steaks is the George Foreman grill. They come in various sizes and prices, but I'd rec the one without an adjustable temperature for the beginner. It's relatively idiot proof (even my eleven year old can make steaks and boneless, skinless chicken on it) and comes with an instruction guide of how long to cook your steaks according to what thickness they are. Of course for fancy steaks like filet mignon you'd want to use the oven's broiler, but that's a whole other level of pain (and expense) you're likely not ready for yet.

  5. Jerry Says:

    Nice! That was a great read, and thanks for giving us a lead in on your culinary experience. With time you will have some insurance that you'll be able to make a steak dinner with no problem, I'm sure of it.

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