I haven't been around due to personal life reasons... well, if I am being completely honest, it's mostly because I am lazy haha. However, SavingAdvice has always been my online financial home if you will, and now that my personal life has changed some more, I seem to have a bit more free time to "come home" more often so to speak. I hope everyone who is still here is doing well.
Also, I'd like to pick the community's mind with a question: I have a friend who is going through divorce right now, and his ex-wife is fighting him every step of the way. To defend himself, he has already paid more than $20k USD in legal fees, using bank and personal loans. Not only that, but he owes them an additional $5k more, and he doesn't know where to raise that money from! Is this how much divorce lawyers cost these days? It's utterly insane!
In a desperate move, he has hit up anyone he knows, including me, explaining his predicament and wondering if there is anyone who can help him financially. He is a good man, but like most people I know around me, financial savvy is not one of their personal strengths....
Now, in real life, nobody knows that I am a millionaire. Actually, I'm not even sure if my parents know. If I am being completely honest, I am scared to tell anyone. I've struggled for so long, saving and investing, just to make it to this point. Also, it's like a Pandora's box, you know? Once it's open, you can't close that thing again. Besides, it's not like being barely a millionaire counts for all that much these days.
Still, technically, I COULD help my friend here, BUT I also have a hard and fast rule, which is that I never donate or gift money to anyone who solicits me. To be clear, I DO donate to charity, but ONLY anonymously, and ONLY to people who is not soliciting me. Last time was earlier this year, where I donated to someone who has advanced stage pancreatic cancer, but she still has young kids to raise. They don't know who I am, and they never will.
Plus, $5k would still be a massive dent to my emergency fund, AND there is no telling how much more his lawyers would charge up if they think my friend can somehow raise even more money.
My question though, is should I give him any money at all, and if so, how much? Am I being a jerk here for not helping him more? I've helped pay for little things here and there, but nothing really substantial so far. What do you think?
Got a friend who is going through hard times
September 7th, 2024 at 09:31 am
September 7th, 2024 at 01:34 pm 1725716072
September 7th, 2024 at 02:05 pm 1725717907
Look only you can answer this question, if you give him the money then make it after the divorce is final and it can help him get back on his feet a little and dont expect the money back. Let them know it is a one time help and not to ask again...honestly it also depends how close you guys are...my bestie I would give her all my money if it would help her...others I would do the bare minimum...good luck it is a hard one...mixing friendship and money can be hard...but if you give it knowing you wont get it back and no expecting anything then you will feel okay about it...if that is what you choose to do...maybe you can also give him some pointers on how to get on top of his money again once divorced
September 7th, 2024 at 05:28 pm 1725730095
mumof2, I have another hard and fast financial rule, which is that I never borrow from or lend money to friends or family. I either take or give freely (which in practice is mostly give) so that we can avoid all that unpleasantness about me constantly nagging to get the money back. Because ultimately, we all know they can't, so why let that to be a strain, right?
Yeah, he's a good friend, and I don't want to see him fall apart financially. Still, it does seem like a bad idea in general. That is why I am still a bit on the fence. For now, he's getting by and doesn't know anything about me financially.
September 8th, 2024 at 10:12 pm 1725833546
Or is he fighting over assets?
My answer would differ based on the cause of the fight - and what I personally knew to be true about a situation.
If children were at risk I might gift money to help.
But if it’s assets, then I consider losing assets in a divorce a stupid tax for marrying someone without vetting or an expensive lesson.
Divorce is expensive when one person is trying to punish another one.
I wouldn’t fund that for someone else.
September 9th, 2024 at 10:11 am 1725876676
September 11th, 2024 at 05:55 pm 1726077345
September 11th, 2024 at 08:04 pm 1726085085
September 21st, 2024 at 12:23 am 1726878202
September 21st, 2024 at 01:28 am 1726882112