I have a female friend who recently broke up with an old boyfriend of about ten or so years, and is dating a new one. The old boyfriend wasn't filthy rich, but he did make good, steady money just the same, and paid everything for her. New boyfriend, while is currently employed, makes nowhere near the kind of money the old boyfriend does.
Long story short, while this female friend is a nice person overall, having been financially taken cared of for so long, I don't think she really understands the concept of money. And now, with the new boyfriend she's dating, they are both having to figure out how to become... financially responsible?
So why am I bringing this up? Well a bunch of stuff has also happened in between, but long story short to now, her old headphone broke, so she wants me to buy her a new headphone, so she can save what limited money she has for a vacation with her boyfriend instead. Talk about a needless ask for such a shallow reason. I even offered her my old headphone but she quick passed on it, asking for a new one instead.
While we are indeed friends, and while I do sometimes buy people stuff either for Christmas, birthdays, or special occasions, that does NOT mean I am her or anyone else's sugar daddy!
By the way, this behavior I am experiencing is new. I think it's because the old boyfriend pretty much bought her whatever she wanted, and now that she isn't with him, she's... branching out to others to sustain her lifestyle?
For days, she's been telling me about all the great deals she has found (for me to buy her), and for now, I have basically stopped talking to her while I think about how to handle this. I guess sooner rather than later, we may need to have that "I am not your sugar daddy" talk, and who knows, I may be losing another friend in the process here. Any thoughts on this?
June 23rd, 2025 at 02:30 am 1750645823
June 23rd, 2025 at 11:49 am 1750679345
I'm glad you aren't entertaining the idea of gifting her with a headphone. If you're friends with her, I'm sure she has some good qualities that balance this negative one, so I don't want to be judgmental about her character. Based on this situation alone, she comes across as a woman that manipulates men to get what she wants. She may believe that you're a pushover that will fall for it too so it's an opportunity for you to be introspective - do you stand up for yourself? Does she ever do nice things for you or is it one-sided? Also, you mention the employment of her boyfriends: what about hers?
I wouldn't avoid the conversation that needs to happen. Just get it done so it doesn't hang there with her continuing to look for 'deals' for you and you feeling awkward. Maybe you could approach it with her as a lingering negative aspect of her past failed relationship. She allowed herself to become financially dependent on a man. Perhaps now she can become empowered to manage her own finances better. And you'd be happy to help (with advice - not cash) because you happen to know a thing or two about personal finance.
If the friendship is lost because you won't be played, I agree with Mumof2 - it wasn't a genuine friendship.
June 23rd, 2025 at 01:00 pm 1750683606
June 23rd, 2025 at 05:56 pm 1750701370