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Home > Charity is a C word

Charity is a C word

August 7th, 2025 at 01:21 am

So there is this woman I am sort of friends with who has a handicapped child, and her son really needs a wheelchair.  This child is still in single digits in age, but what they need isn't just any ordinary wheelchair, but one that is specially-built for children.

While there are cheaper options available, the one they really want and should get would cost $700 USD.  This is one of those specialized "strollers" that are built to high quality standards, and will allow a child to "grow" into them, and continue to use it as they get bigger, up until they can use adult wheelchairs.

Cheaper options are not only less durable, they are also a bit more hazardous (doesn't support the head for example, or maybe they are more likely to fall out of it), but it also doesn't really allow a child to grow into them, meaning they would have to replace it with something else as the child gets bigger, again and again.

Unfortunately, this woman can't afford the expensive one.  She was just telling me that in passing, without knowing anything about me or my financial situation, and after hearing about it, I asked her if I could just get it for her.

I've donated to charity before, and until now, I have never encountered any friction or resistance about it.  The other person agrees.  I pay, they say thank you.  Done and done.  Life moves on.

So, imagine my surprise when this woman actually refused, saying she had to think about it.  And not only that, but she thought about it for TWO FULL WEEKS before finally agreeing to it (without me forcing her or anything by the way).

Looking back at it, I think I understand though.  She has to be careful with people just offering money out of nowhere, right?  Who is this guy?  Why is he offering?  What's the catch?  What does he really want in return?  Right?

From my perspective though, it's just one of those things in life where I know this is the best choice to make, and the only obstacle here is the cost.  If so, then yeah I'll pick up this tab, why not?  I'm a simple guy, and that's all there is to it.

It's just an interesting experience because I've never had anyone refuse before.  Well, at least initially anyway.  She did eventually agree.

8 Responses to “Charity is a C word”

  1. rob62521 Says:
    1754597475

    Bless you for offering and for doing this. I'm sure part of it is wondering your motives, but also, it is difficult to accept help, even if it would make that child's life a little better.

    Years ago I went to take a check to the local large food pantry so they could buy food since they could get more bang for the buck as far as non perishables. I was told I had to wait on the director so I sat down to do that. There was an elderly couple waiting as well. She had brought two very neatly folded grocery bags that were cloth. Her husband had a WWII ball cap on. She wouldn't meet anyone's eyes. I thought they were probably in their late 80s and felt shame that they had to supplement their groceries with visiting this food pantry. The husband had that far away look of someone that people with dementia, so I would imagine she had her hands full. I didn't stare at her, but my heart went out to her. The food pantry's purpose was just for people like them who needed that extra to get by and there was no shame, but I could tell she was ashamed. The beauty of this particular food pantry is it is set up very much like a store and people are encouraged to take things they want. There are limits, of course, but they have all kinds of things so it's just more than peanut butter and boxed mac and cheese.

  2. Tabs Says:
    1754621407

    Thank you for the kind words. Also, it's wonderful you donate to the food pantry!

  3. LivingAlmostLarge Says:
    1754638456

    Thank you for doing it. Maybe say one day pay it forward so she thinks it's you paying forward something good.

  4. LifeBalance Says:
    1754664573

    Tabs, your act of kindness was wonderful. I prefer this type of charitable contribution than giving to an organization that has overhead. I know there's a place for both types, but just think of the immediate impact that you had - and got to witness - on this family. No paperwork required and you know for a fact that they aren't gaming any system. She didn't even ask!

  5. Tabs Says:
    1754671882

    LAL: I didn’t think of that. I suppose she did feel guilty, even though I don’t think she should. She’s being a good mom and taking care of her son isn’t easy on her or her family.

    LifeBalance: I prefer this as well. I’ve donated to large charity organizations before, such as UNICEF and United Way. The thing I don’t like about them is that, as you say, there is overhead, and you don’t really know where the money is actually going to. Also, once you donate, they will keep spamming your mailbox with junk mail pleading for more money. Frankly, I just don’t like my mailbox to be filled with junk mail of any kind. Like seriously guys, I know how to get in touch with you. Please don’t spam me anymore.

    I view charity as a form of investing as well, only instead of investing into myself, I am investing into others. In both cases though, it is possible to make both good investments and bad investments, and I do like individual cases like these because due diligence is a lot easier here. That and I’m not filthy rich or anything, so I can only donate so much at any given time. Ultimately, I try to donate where I think my money will do the most good.

  6. rob62521 Says:
    1754687451

    Tabs, what a great outlook as far as viewing gifting someone with something they need as an investment.

  7. Tabs Says:
    1754688052

    Thank again, Rob. The mom has come back and told me that, with this wheelchair, she is able to take her son to more places outdoors, which makes him a lot happier than being stuck in the house all the time. And a happy child is a happy mom as well, apparently. So, this wasn’t just a physical necessity , but a quality of life improvement for them as well. In that way, I feel that this has been a good investment.

  8. mumof2 Says:
    1754702007

    That is great that you have done that I do similar things when I can...sad thing is more and more people need help these days...and I can imagine over there more than ever now. We have a homeless guy that hangs near the store I usually buy him food a couple times a week when I see him...its not a lot for me but it is for him. but it is hard for people to ask for help..no-one wants to feel like they are failing themselves or their family....so glad that she contacted you and let you know how much it has changed their lives for the better

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