I was originally going to repond with a comment, but there are a lot of details I've left out, so I thought perhaps it would be better for me to just write an entirely separate entry.
This woman and I have been friends for a while now, like for more than ten to fifteen years, depending on how you want to count it.
I've always been respectful of her relationship with the old boyfriend, and remained as just friends. Besides, deep down, I know I can not afford to give her what she wants out of life. You see, she lives in Canada, and in one of the most expensive cities on the planet (and hence the title of the entry). To date her would require the guy to uproot everything (including his friends and family), move to an entirely different country, risk everything to rebuild a career or at least find a job there, and basically be able to afford for both of them to live there (because she loves her city and refuses to live anywhere else). In fact, that's basically what the new boyfriend is having to do at this point, since he is from the US.
But perhaps that's not entirely unreasonable right? However, she also wants to get married and have a child very soon. So I'm thinking, "Let me get this straight. Your new boyfriend needs to move away from his current friends and family, to an entirely different country, get all of his paperwork straight, rebuild a career from scratch or at least find a new job in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and not only afford for the both of you to live there, but also commit to a marriage and raising a child there? All in one go?"
What kind of woman has this kind of pull, right? Well, when we first met, she was in her mid twenties, and is fairy easy on the eyes. More importantly, she has a rather pleasant personality that makes it fun for people to be around her. Let's just say she is popular enough to make men go out of their way to do or buy things for her. I'm always amazed when I meet women like this. Like, I know I'm looking at it, but still, how do you do it? And why doesn't this happen for us men?
But I think the years may have changed her.... She just turned forty not too long ago, and she is well-aware of her own sense of age and mortality. She is still a fun and pleasant person to be around, but she knows her looks can't carry her forever. So, while she may not have been in a rush before, I can't help but sense that she now wants to rush into a marriage and having a child.
Also, she's filing for spousal support from her ex-bf. They were never married, but having lived together for so many years, apparently, this qualifies her for common law spousal support in Canada. I didn't know that, but as a man, all I can think of is, imagine never being married with a woman only to find out she can suddenly leave you one day and still file for monthly financial support even though she was the one who cheated on you and left with another man. So yeah, that's another detail I know about her. She's been romantically involved with this new boyfriend for years, behind the ex-boyfriend's back, but he is the one who has to pay her for her cheating and leaving him. That is so crazy.
And sure, while none of that is my business, our friendship apparently has changed as well. Ever since she broke up with her old boyfriend, she has turned to asking for things from all her friends. In my case, she doesn't even say hello or good morning anymore. Friends normally do that, right? Like genuinely asking "Hi, how are you doing?" Recent texts just comes straight out and say, "Look at this incredible deal for headphones I found!" and the subsequent links for purchase. It's ridiculous.
I know I probably painted this woman in a very negative light, but in practice, I don't think she is actually that terrible a person, and I know we used to be good friends once. However, I think she's gone now... and I don't know what happened to her.
June 23rd, 2025 at 06:48 pm 1750700925
It sounds like you're saying toward the end that she is suggesting you buy her stuff like the headphones? That would be a huge red flag for me. But maybe she's just sharing her excitement about finding whatever it was she was looking for?
And if she's as great as you say she is (in certain ways), then she should have no problem finding a beau in the city where she lives. It just doesn't sound realistic or practical in any way to enter into a romantic relationship with someone in another country. I know some people have done it, but those seem to be more transaction-based arrangements where someone wants US citizenship or a younger woman, for instance.
June 23rd, 2025 at 07:09 pm 1750702183
But yeah, all this is just so frustrating to me. She and I still talk about life and stuff in general, but I'm pretty sure it's over between us. She wasn't always like this.
June 23rd, 2025 at 07:20 pm 1750702805
June 23rd, 2025 at 09:26 pm 1750710378
I think keeping your distance, both literally and emotionally is wise on your part. Not sure she is really a friend if she doesn't bother to ask how you are doing.
June 23rd, 2025 at 10:03 pm 1750712592
Basically, a lot of us guys don't really value money like they should. To them, it's just something that they pay bills with, and buys toys that they want. This also includes buying women they are interested in stuff just trying to win their affection somehow. And if they needed more money, they simply take on more overtime shifts. Something like that. No real sense of financial responsibility. No real sense of saving and investing towards the future.
While I'm here, I also know a lot of men have said things they don't really mean to women before, but have said it before because they think that's what women wants to hear in order to win them over.
Behind the curtains though, they talk about how many women they are sleeping with, and even show me naked pictures of all of their "side chicks". Some even brag about how many kids they have with all these other women, and I just couldn't fathom how that is a point to brag about, bringing all these kids into the world only to never even bother being there as a father to them. I even remember one guy who ended up fleeing the state because the four women he was cheating on all of them with wound up finding about each other, and was banding together for a huge legal child support and alimony battle. He fled to a different state to a fifth women he was cheating them all with. It's absolutely to insane.
Now, I'm not saying all men are like this. I for example am not, and have always been honest with every woman that I've been involved with, even if it's to my own detriment. In fact, I am also a little amazed and "trifle jealous" as you put it, seeing them get away with the kind of shenanigans while I am mostly sitting here being single and just being boring and saving my money.
Again, not all men are like this, but the ones that are, they sure are wild, and by all means be careful because they are definitely out there.
June 24th, 2025 at 12:30 am 1750721415