I have a male friend who is recently going through divorce. Basically, from now on, he will not have Christmas with his kids or ex-wife anymore. (He will have the kids on Christmas Eve though.) For a man who is very family-orientated, this is a huge blow to him, and it will take time for him to adjust.
I myself have gone through that as well, where from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day, it's just an emotional slog that I have to get through, year after year, with varying degrees of success.... Because I understand what a man has to go through, ever since last year anyway, I have made it a point to check up on this friend of mine, and see if he wants me to come over and visit during Christmas. He said yes.
Walking into his apartment reminded me of an all-too-familiar haunted look into my own past made present. His tree with the colorful lights are still up, and below that tree are signs of presents that was once there, not too long ago. All around, you see children's toys and clothing littered all over (his kids are still young so this is normal).
And yet, despite all the obvious hints of life and holiday cheer, said actual holiday sights and sounds were nowhere to be found. There were no smiles and laughter running around, nor anyone causing a ruckus. There were no cheap cons trying to trick the wife into walking under that mistletoe you hid just to net that giggly smooch. No sounds of mugs of hot chocolate or even egg nog being toasted. There were no present swapping, and then mentally strategizing how you will return that silly item she bought you without getting caught by her. All that was there, when I walked in, was a house with that familiar piercing silence that my buddy was sitting in, alone, on Christmas day.
I know that divorces are not easy for women either. I completely acknowledge that. However, I wonder how many realize that it is also not easy for good men either. Because they won't be out at bars trying to get a cheap one-night stands. They are not always out with family or even at work either, because perhaps the emotional toll is just too great for now, because they valued their time with family so highly. I also can not help but wonder if he is also perhaps trying to punish himself for what he sees is a failure somehow....
To end on a more upbeat note, we went and enjoyed a Chinese buffet that was pretty good for what was available and open on Christmas. We distracted ourselves with great conversations and had a great time overall for what it is.
I don't know if this is going to turn into a weird Christmas tradition between us. I hope not, or at least not for too long. It's better if he finds someone decent, and is able to enjoy Christmas again like the way he used to, or at the very least, be distracted by work on the holidays and get paid well for it. Either way, and to end on a more financial note, I felt my gift of Christmas Chinese buffet to him was totally worth the money, and he enjoyed it as well.
December 26th, 2025 at 10:56 am 1766746569
Glad that you can be there for your friend at a rough time in their life
December 26th, 2025 at 03:44 pm 1766763886
It’s possible that the Christmases don’t alternate because it could potentially lead to confusion and bickering about who’s turn it is to get the kids on Christmas day. I have the same deal, where I am only locked into Christmas Eve, but not Christmas day.
What’s really wild about that arrangement is that, despite that being locked in and written out in black and white, one time, my ex and my ex mother-in-law still gave me a hard time because they thought they had the right to Christmas Eve as well, and get me a really hard time about it. It was absolutely the wildest thing. They never apologized to me about that either.
But yes, no matter what happens, it’s always the toughest for the children. That’s what bothers me the most about all of this.
December 27th, 2025 at 09:08 pm 1766869717
This is one of the things I dislike about the holidays: you're bombarded with messages about what the holiday should be like, and the message is a family with young children, mom and dad together and so on. But there are a lot of people who, for one reason or another, don't fit that mold.