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On sinking ships

January 2nd, 2026 at 09:01 pm

I don't have any particularly new or specific goals for the new year, except for the usual to reduce spending more, rebalance my portfolio, to spring clean and declutter more, and to just be more mindful of my use of time and energy.  I know, I know, not all that specific hahaha.

The only new wrinkle, I guess, is re-connecting with this female friend of mine, and to see if we can't work things out again.   So far, to the surprise of no one, we are not working out.  We are politically incompatible, for example, and I see that gap has only widened and become more entrenched during our time apart.

For example, why does she give certain people and politicians she doesn't even know, that she only see on TV or the internet, people that anyone can easily prove to be lying outright, get a complete free pass, but people who she personally DO know, but is telling her the smallest and most inconsequential things to her, and yet is the truth, she will grill me on it for the rest of the night?

For example, my last job working for the Feds required that I maintain certain military standards, meaning no facial hair, and either short or no head hair.  I joked to her that she missed out on the years seeing me running around bald, but somehow this became a point of contention?  She spent the rest of the night questioning the legitimacy of me actually working for the Feds?   I'm like HUH?  That was years of my life at it, but I no longer work there anymore anyway (which is what I really think is the important point here), and somehow, she accused me of lying about my hair for my job???  I'm telling her the truth about something that's not even all that important, but she refused to believe me, oh but some politician lying to the public that can be easily proven false, about things that can end up getting thousands of innocent people hurt or maybe even killed, gets a complete pass?  How does that even work?

Politics isn't the core issue here though.  It's just a convenient example.  At the end of the day, what really concerns me is how she views and treats even her own friends, nevermind her enemies.  For example, is she going to grill and accuse me of every little joke or musings, no matter how small?  She's already told me that she and her friends in their circle never trust men, not even their own husbands, because men cheat and can leave them in a bind at any time, which I agreed is an understandable concern, but as the guy in this picture here, I'm also wondering.... why am I here then, if you don't trust me?  I'm trying to be supportive and make you feel better, but joking about something as inconsequential as hair (or the lack of) is somehow going to be a problem?  I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around her, never knowing what's going to set her off, and I typically hang up stressed after I talk to her.

However, she is still recovering from a potentially botched knee surgery, a toe dislocation (long story), and is even fighting off a cold right now, so I thought maybe she's cranky because of all that.  I. am doing the best I can to, again, just be a kind and supportive friend to her while she is in recovery.

If I am being honest though, our communication at this point has broken down to just basic, passing pleasantries for the most part, and that to me is a pretty clear sign that things have already failed pretty spectacularly.

Regardless, with or without anyone else, I still have to live my own life, and I am still committed to try to make 2026 my best year yet.

9 Responses to “On sinking ships”

  1. Stephanie Says:
    1767406898

    You are kind to make time for your friend. She has a lot going on health-wise. But she continues to show you who she is. Be careful of your heart.

  2. Dido Says:
    1767407151

    It's no fun having any relationship that leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells. It's good of you to be a friend, but I'm also hoping you can find a way to gradually drift away as she recovers from her physical ailments.

    Best wishes for 2026!

  3. mumof2 Says:
    1767408624

    That friend is not a friend unless you agree with her and what she is saying and doing, she has shown you who she is...she stresses you...and being sick is not an excuse for behaving that way...believe me I have chronic illnesses...and she doesnt trust you and sounds like she never will...why would you purposelly have someone like that in your life...find like minded people and live a happy life...like you I think 2026 will be our best year yet as well...hope it is for you

  4. Tabs Says:
    1767416478

    Thank you for the supportive words. I gotta say, it's a weird feeling for a guy like me to feel like I have to walk on egg shells, but here I am and it's an interesting experience if nothing else.

  5. rob62521 Says:
    1767447489

    Sadly, your acquaintance is not about sharing experiences and joys/sorrows, but about what she thinks. You are good to give her chance after chance, but please be careful of your own heart.

    Hope 2026 is wonderful for you!

  6. Petunia 100 Says:
    1767460464

    If you are going to be in a relationship, you want a partner who adds to your happiness. Someone who states you are untrustworthy based on your gender and not on your actions does not sound like a person who treats you fairly and has respect for you.

  7. Frugal N NE Says:
    1767559853

    All I can say is that if I had realized how completely opposite my DH and I were on our world view before we got married…. I had inklings of it before but it wasn’t until Trump and COVID that it truly hit home. It has made for a lot of downs and very few ups. Not recommended.

  8. Single Guy Says:
    1767928712

    I just went through similar situation and had to cut off my GF of 10+ years. People change, and often in ways you wouldn't believe. Given what you wrote, she is worse(!) than my ex, yikes.

    Basically I sat down and asked myself "would I be happier single the rest of my life, or would I still want this person in my life?". I finally realized I am happier single, and saw no way it would improve, so I had to remove her from my life. Maybe you need to ask yourself this as well I even had to change the locks on my house - it was unpleasant.

    Anyway, if you need someone to discuss this more, let me know.

  9. LivingAlmostLarge Says:
    1767940092

    Skip all negativity. No matter who they are. you need people who lift you up and not drag you down.

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