My life is a string of imposter syndromes. I was a cop, but I never felt like one, nor quite fit in as one. I played musical instruments, but I never really liked it. Instead, I loved martial arts, but even that was only to a point, because I was so hyper-focused on self defense, that I never quite fit in with the true martial arts crowd either. And while I do practice frugality, well, I too feel like an imposter here as well.
In this case, I am not technically frugal because frugality in and of itself is not my true end goal. Rather, it's seem to be more like a means to the end. My true goal is more like hypervigilance. You see, I grew up being more of a musical and computer nerd. While of course, there is nothing wrong with that, junior high and high school can be rather cruel against those who are deemed lower and weaker somehow, and so I got bullied a lot.
Another thing that I am suspecting more and more is that I think I am mildly autistic, though high functioning? My autistic focus has always been on self defense though. I was and I guess I am still obsessed with the overwhelming desire to learn how to defend myself and my friends. I used to practice until my hands bled, frustrated that I can never seem to get it right. However, it did get to a point that whenever my friends were in trouble, they would all turn to me for help, and I felt so much joy and pride that I could help keep them safe. Growing up, this helped forge my sense of self-identity.
How all this relates to personal finances is that I realized, sooner rather than later, though never soon enough, that personal finance is one of the most fundamental expressions of modern self defense. For example, I think most everyone here can agree that having an emergency / rainy day fund is a great idea, right? Because it is smart to protect yourself with a money buffer against unexpected or emergency expenses. Isn't that financial self defense?
At least, that's how I see it. I don't know how anyone else sees it.... So, exactly how do you see frugality, dear readers? Are there other forms or truer forms of fruggies out there? Or am I just confusing semantics?
As a related example, I've been wearing this torn shirt I like for months. Hanging on and using stuff for as long as I can indeed saves money. Unfortunately, I had to finally get rid of it today. Perhaps I could have hung on to it longer, but alas, the torn hole has become so big that it was starting to expose my pepper spray and handgun that I conceal carry daily, and that's a real problem to me.
However, wouldn't a true fruggie just try to sew it up? I didn't though, instead only hyper-focusing on self defense like I normally do. If it's any consolation, I did wear that shirt for as long as I could, so I think I still saved some money in the end.
September 6th, 2026 at 06:22 pm 1788718921
I can relate to the mildly autism, security is important to me as well but I think I'm also frugal because I don't want to waste resources. Yep, a bit of an environmentalist.
September 6th, 2026 at 06:29 pm 1788719389
September 6th, 2026 at 08:58 pm 1788728288
I can live with confusion for a while but I know I am stressed when I take everything out of my closet and re hang it by type and color. And then I feel calm.
After a financially difficult youth, money to me is a sense of stability.
I never ‘waste’ it on things like gambling, street drugs, nicotine. I do drink socially but the social part outweighs the money!
On the one hand I never buy expensive clothes because to me they aren’t worth the money, and I treat food shopping like a savings game.
On the other, money to me is a tool and I will use it to make my life easier/better even if what I spend on seems crazy to someone else.
September 6th, 2026 at 10:33 pm 1788734035
I also want to be clear that I've pretty much stopped buying that kind of stuff at this point. I have way more than I need right now, and if I take good care of my stuff, it can last years if not decades....
September 7th, 2026 at 05:18 pm 1788801532
I read this with interest because one of the things I struggle with is thinking anything I do or say isn't good enough. For example, I've taken up the hobby of candle making. I enjoy it and then someone suggested I make candles for our church bazaar and all I could think of was they aren't good enough. Then I saw a post about a new business in our little town and I looked at her candles and they look like mine look. I think we often compare ourselves to others, thinking we aren't measuring up and so on and so forth. I struggle with that daily. Fortunately my husband is my biggest cheerleader and gives me emotional support.
Why am I frugal? I think because I grew up poor. We had a roof over our heads and food to eat and most of my clothes were second hand, but the basics we didn't do without. But I learned quickly between the haves and have nots. There was an "art show" put on by my school. I painted something that I painted on a piece of cardboard. I was really proud of it until we attended the art show. My project was put way to the side, sort of out of the way, and then there were these beautiful pieces, many I bet were either done in a class or from a kit. I realized then I didn't measure up. It became even more self evident in high school. Not only was I poor, but overweight and not especially pretty, so high school was four years of misery as I was often picked on. There were a few teachers who were amazing, they drew me out on talents they felt I had which was good; otherwise I wonder if I would have eventually dropped out. Going somewhere else wasn't an option; there was no money to move and no money for tuition. I learned some very important things those years. When I became I teacher, I displayed every piece of artwork my kids made in the room. Art is a personal thing and who is to say what is beautiful and what isn't? Plus, I explained to the kids, it was also about the experience. We learn through doing. I'll never be a person who is successful with clay, but it's an experience and it truly makes me appreciate those who can throw a pot or create a mug by hand.
Anyway, I decided when I was in my 20s I would not be living paycheck to paycheck like my parents did. I don't blame them. Neither finished high school. Not because they were lazy; they grew up during the Depression. My Dad was pulled out to work on farms to bring in a little more money so the family could eat. My Mom also went to work. Then came WWII and they both had jobs. They were married before I came along to other people and divorced. They married later in life and I was basically an accident. But they instilled in me the quest for an education and the desire to do better than they did. Considering how life was tough on them, they didn't give up; they found ways to raise money and make do.
As for your beloved T-shirt. Other than cutting it up for rags, I don't think mending could be a good option. You'd look at the mended part and cringe and if it is as worn as you think, the stitches might not have held after you wore it.
September 8th, 2026 at 12:10 am 1788826225
I think your sense of frugality is the typical type that I thought everyone else operates under. I don't say that in any derogatory way though. I think frugality is a wonderful thing, and I respect anyone who practices it.
I have actually thought about attempting to sew up my shirt. However... even with it's patched, I think it would stick out too much, and the last thing I'm trying to do is to draw people's attention to my waist for any reason.
September 9th, 2026 at 09:37 pm 1788989837
Granted I am spending somewhat at a high level too.
September 10th, 2026 at 01:49 am 1789004946
September 11th, 2026 at 04:04 am 1789099489
September 11th, 2026 at 02:57 pm 1789138667
"...personal finance is one of the most fundamental expressions of modern self defense." That's a very interesting insight.
I am frugal for a variety of reasons. It surely started out of necessity, as it took me years in the workforce before I felt I was making decent money. But that frugal gene, planted by my grandparents, still survives, and I also have a strong environmental bent believing that what's good for the pocketbook (eg, energy-efficient appliances) is often good for the environment.
So while I don't have a tshirt I've worn until it began falling apart, I did a number of years ago take some old flannel shirts my father asked me to throw away and I cut them up into rags. I like using them, knowing they were dear old dad's, and flannel makes for a good rag.
Since my retirement, I've noticed a stronger dislike for disorder, mess and clutter. Probably because I'm spending more time at home. So here and there I have sought to organize certain aspects of my home and I've given away a TON of stuff that just accumulated but now serves no purpose.
September 12th, 2026 at 04:57 pm 1789232227
I think having your dad’s flannels is a wonderful memento. I hope my daughter will feel the same way about me too. Thank you for sharing.
September 15th, 2026 at 01:03 am 1789434207
For for being "autistic", I think that gets thrown about too much today. Yeah, many people have some autisitc traits, but everyone has their own quirks, and just should be haapy with who they are. At least that's my take. I guess I have a bit of a thing with that as I have had a person in my life like to say I was slightly autistic. I don't like the label, but your milage may vary. Hey I'm a little different, but that's ok. I use it like a minor super power as it lets me be stubborn and do things many people would give up on.
September 15th, 2026 at 02:37 am 1789439873
But more than anything, I just want to say that that I find your insight very much aligned with mine as well. There truly is nothing better than having financial freedomm.