My life is a string of imposter syndromes.  I was a cop, but I never felt like one, nor quite fit in as one.  I played musical instruments, but I never really liked it.  Instead, I loved martial arts, but even that was only to a point, because I was so hyper-focused on self defense, that I never quite fit in with the true martial arts crowd either.  And while I do practice frugality, well, I too feel like an imposter here as well.

In this case, I am not technically frugal because frugality in and of itself is not my true end goal.  Rather, it's seem to be more like a means to the end.  My true goal is more like hypervigilance.  You see, I grew up being more of a musical and computer nerd.  While of course, there is nothing wrong with that, junior high and high school can be rather cruel against those who are deemed lower and weaker somehow, and so I got bullied a lot.

Another thing that I am suspecting more and more is that I think I am mildly autistic, though high functioning?  My autistic focus has always been on self defense though.  I was and I guess I am still obsessed with the overwhelming desire to learn how to defend myself and my friends.  I used to practice until my hands bled, frustrated that I can never seem to get it right.  However, it did get to a point that whenever my friends were in trouble, they would all turn to me for help, and I felt so much joy and pride that I could help keep them safe.  Growing up, this helped forge my sense of self-identity.

How all this relates to personal finances is that I realized, sooner rather than later, though never soon enough, that personal finance is one of the most fundamental expressions of modern self defense.  For example, I think most everyone here can agree that having an emergency / rainy day fund is a great idea, right?  Because it is smart to protect yourself with a money buffer against unexpected or emergency expenses.  Isn't that financial self defense?

At least, that's how I see it.  I don't know how anyone else sees it.... So, exactly how do you see frugality, dear readers?  Are there other forms or truer forms of fruggies out there?  Or am I just confusing semantics?

As a related example, I've been wearing this torn shirt I like for months.  Hanging on and using stuff for as long as I can indeed saves money.  Unfortunately, I had to finally get rid of it today.  Perhaps I could have hung on to it longer, but alas, the torn hole has become so big that it was starting to expose my pepper spray and handgun that I conceal carry daily, and that's a real problem to me.

However, wouldn't a true fruggie just try to sew it up?  I didn't though, instead only hyper-focusing on self defense like I normally do.  If it's any consolation, I did wear that shirt for as long as I could, so I think I still saved some money in the end.

It's September now, but this coming week is going to be so hot.  Will it cool down anytime soon?  I hope so because my fellow camping buddy finally got back to me, and somehow, he is still down to try to go fishing later this month.  I understand perfectly that he's a busy man, and so, I'm not surprised at all that I haven't heard from him in months.  In fact, I thought he'd forgotten about it completely, but nope, he just got back to me and talking like he's serious!  Is this how most other people work though?

Uhh I feel a bit under-prepared for all this, especially with such a short notice.  Currently, we don't even have a fishing license in VA, but he insists that we should be able to walk into any Walmart and get it there?  I don't know, but since this is all suppose to be fun and relaxation for us, I am choosing to take a more sanguine attitude towards all this chaotic fun.  I figure the worst case that will happen is the fishing plan falls through, and we end up just hanging around town to relax and what not.  Either way works for me.

Speaking of which, I have another buddy.  Let's call him Foodie buddy.  Foodie buddy's bucket list dream is to chase down that ultimate Wagyu A5 taste experience.  We've learned so far that not all Wagyu A5s are created equal.  Not only are there American, Australian, and Japanese Wagyu, but the taste of even the same type of meat is different depending on how it is cooked.  Foodie buddy and I have learned that perhaps what we are ultimately looking for could be found in restaurants up in NYC.

Long story short, after discussing it at length, we've decided that the best course of action would be to take a flight and taxi to the two restaurants that has it there (for comparison) during the day, and then fly back home that same night.  This would save us money on a hotel stay there, although it would still be offset by the cost of the flight.  However, it would ultimately save us on a lot of time, which is what we will be racing against, as he has to get back in time to get back to his work.

To be honest, while he does want to do this, I am not sure if this plan will happen.  I suppose if I were to force him and do all the planning for him, I can get him to do it.  After all, this was his idea to begin with!  Still though, as a natural homebody and self-proclaimed fruggie, I am not sure if I am all that motivated myself....

Spending for my last two months all coasted way under budget, mostly because I don't have anyone calling me or wanting me to go do anything in particular.  Well, there was this new Chinese buffet that opened up in town, and Foodie buddy wanted to try it out.  That's basically about it.  I mean I do cherish hanging out with my friends whenever possible, because otherwise, it can feel a bit depressing just staying at home most days by myself.  At the same time though, you can tell the months when we do end up doing something, because then my spending kind of spikes, even though I do try very hard to keep it all under budget.

As I've mentioned before, I am a type 2 diabetic.  The only reason I am paying for this particular insurance company is because they had been allowing me to see this Endocrinologist I like for treatment.  However, as of January of this year, and without any warning whatsoever, this insurance company decided that they were no longer going to cover my doctor.

Oh, and it wasn't like there was even a clear, decisive notice either.  When I had asked about it, their response was, "Well, it's pending as we attempt to get regulatory permission from the federal government blah blah blah...."  To the surprise of no one, and after taking like 3 months to clear up, the insurance company finally came back and rejected not just MY Endocrinologist, but ALL Endocrinologists, so I can't even find an alternate.  In fact, you can't even see anyone listed on their website!

Since then, I am trying my best to make my medication last all year, but by my count, I'm going to run out on at least one of them by the end of November, possibly the others as well.  So, this Decemeber is going to be... interesting.

So, what do I do now?  Before my current Endocrinologist, I had gone to PCPs, and you know what they did?  They referred me to an Endocrinologist.

To add insult to injury, my health insurance company still takes my monthly premium with nary a protest.